(Be warned, this post shows how soft I am and how much I have changed since Ellie was born. This was written yesterday and shows how such a little, seemingly insignificant, thing can trigger your mummy hormones)
Children never fail to amaze me… I’ve only ever visited play areas with friends or family, worried that Ellie is on her own and would be lonely without anyone to play with. Today she really wanted to go to play at the local play area, where she got the idea from I don’t know but she was adamant we were going out. I tried to persuade her we should go to the park, maybe go for a walk in our wellies, but no!
They don’t warn you of the insane amount of worrying you will do once you become a mother! I worry about everything and even coming to the soft play area gives me another thing to worry about; should she be playing outside in the fresh air while the weather is nice, will she be lonely in there on her own, should I be protecting her arm rather than taking her somewhere that could mean she hurts it again? The irrational thoughts are endless! I messaged her friends parents to see if they were free but everyone was busy or already had plans so I had to face my fears (yes, I am this pathetic!).
Why on earth do I worry myself so much?! Within 3 minutes of Ellie clambering up the steps she had made a friend. She helped Ellie up all the high platforms, followed her lead, led her to places Ellie wouldn’t usually have the confidence to go and was just so lovely with her. Right now I am sat in the play area watching my little girl play with other children so beautifully I just had to get my phone out and write how I felt. I would usually follow her around taking a million photos but today I’m enjoying watching her. She is exploring, gaining all sorts of social and physical skills, testing boundaries, problem solving and I couldn’t be more proud of her. (I am so soppy and daft but that’s me!)
Motherhood is hard, it’s the most difficult yet rewarding, anxious filled experience I have ever been on and I love it more than anything. I do know I over think things and would like to relax a bit more, saying that, I can be completely fine and let Ellie do all sorts of things that she probably shouldn’t do. Anxiety is a funny one; it hits you when you least expect it, something somebody says can fill you with dread, can make you overprotective for no real reason and upset you when it really shouldn’t. The amount of love you feel for your baby as soon as they pass her to you is overwhelming, I’d like to say it gets easier as they grow up but so far I’m finding the worries just grow with them!